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Like Emily

Dead when I’m discovered,
too late to know me then,
if not for these thoughts
that kept falling from my head
and landing on a pen.

Mistaken mostly in my time,
misunderstood when given no rhyme,
haunted by the what ifs and whys
of something buzzing as I die.

Eccentric at best,
old maid at worst,
rolling over in my grave
when they find my curse
and dissect my verse.

Funny, the only world I ever understood
was the one I created in my head.

Featured

These Days

I linger mostly somewhere
between what I want,
what I don’t want,
and not knowing what I want.

Confused by my tears,
I’m left exhausted
and internally withdrawn
from the pain I cannot
seem to grab hold of,
challenge and conquer.

I swallow the rising
storm, hoping
no one sees the panic
in my eyes, crying
“I am lost on this
path to nowhere,
somewhere,
anywhere.”

Incensed by my inability
to touch my reality,
make sense of it
and feel congruent,
I close my doors,
my blinds, my eyes,
only to take a peek,
when I feel it’s safe.

I shake myself as
I feel my limbs
going to sleep,
hating that tingling,
(perhaps numb is better),
knowing, however,
I cannot stand the
immobility of rest.

So these days
I giggle because the
insanity tickles;
I cry because the
losses hurt; and
I fight because the
living feels like dying.

What did it take?

Was it just an innocent smile that replaced years of laughter or an accidental touch that diminished our intimacy to this now forced response? Was it the freedom or just the way she “gets” you that reduced me to a passerby in our hallways?

Was it the thrill, the secrecy, the mystery?

Exactly what did it take to delete all the years I gave you – the love, the loyalty, my soul? Just what did it take to destroy us?

Cannon Beach

Leaving was more than I could bear, and coming back offered no resolve. This place, me, the salt water on my skin – how could I have gone when so much of me got stuck here, and so much of this place clung to my hopes, my promises and now my regrets?

A young couple, full of flirtatious spirit, catches my eye, so I watch them before I go (again). In this moment I can’t help but beg of life’s great interventions – Why did you take me from this place and this place from me?

I suppose we all have them – journeys and destinations we can’t shake. But we blink, and we kind of forget, because the forgetting helps us cope when the remembering hurts too much.

Show and Tell

“It’s a crown,” she boasted in front of a captive audience. “I found it in the ditch the other day after it rained. And you know the Nile flows through those waters and washes up stuff from the past. And on that day, it washed up none other than Cleopatra’s crown!”

As she began to pass it around the class, she cautioned, “Hold it gently! It’s old and priceless.”

The teacher interrupted in an authoritative voice, “Why that’s nothing but an old carburetor. It’s just junk!”

The children snickered.

Wounded, she tucked her crown back into her backpack. And forty years later, telling that story, she wonders what ever happened to her rare find and the great explorer who discovered it.

Mommas, Boys and Valentine’s Day

It was Valentines Day 2009. I was asleep in my bed but could hear whispers. I woke with the two of you standing beside me as I slept, smiling with pride and eager for me to notice the gift you had left on my pillow.

It was a plastic rose.

“We were playing cowboys and Indians, and we accidentally hit that wreath thing, and this rose fell out. It is just plastic, but it won’t die so you can have it forever.”

So to my dear friends and passing strangers – I wish you good days filled with plastic roses that will never die!